September 11th 2001

Every September 11th since 2001 I reflect on that time in my life and the events of that horrific day. Adam was stationed at Sub-Base Bangor in Washington State. I was 5 months pregnant with James and living with my parents in Gresham Oregon (3 hours away from Adam). I remember much of that morning and all the fears and sadness I felt. I woke up on 9/11/01 to my cell phone ringing, my mom on the other end asking if I had turned on the TV yet that morning. I walked over flicked it on as I listened to her on the other end try to recap the events so far that had taken place in NYC that fateful morning. On the TV scenes of the first burning building and utter chaos were constant on all channels. I listened and watched with such disbelief. How could this happen? My mind swirled with thoughts of Adam my family and my precious unborn baby. I thought of all the pain and suffering the people in the building and in the plane had endured. How could anyone survive? Are we in danger? Is something going to happen here? to me? my family? Why hasn’t Adam called? What would this mean for my baby? Am I bringing a child in to a horrible world filled with fear, violence and hate? I stood in the living room at my parent’s house; I remember standing there for such a long time, almost afraid to move. I finally peaked out the front window. I guess I was expecting to see something to the effect of nasty weather or a huge crack in the street we were all going to be sucked into. I felt so unsafe so venerable. I saw nothing out of the ordinary. I turned my attention back to the TV and I sat on the couch alone (everyone was at work) watching for hours....the second plane hit...the towers falling...the Pentagon...the plane in Pennsylvania. My phone rang several times; I don't recall everyone I spoke with that morning...several family and friends called. Adam called at some point...I had so many questions for him, the base was locked down on heightened alert and he had no idea what this meant for him or the us military. Maybe he did, but at that time he told me he hadn’t heard what the plan of action was. I was so worried he would be sent straight into a dangerous hostile area. Later we found out the Marine Corps still needed security forces in Washington on the base he was stationed and was able to stay for a few more months. I still recall vividly the moments of fear and sadness....I can feel it.... my heart pounding, the hair standing up on my arms, feeling belly where James was, still so tiny, but safe. To me it doesn't feel like it was 8 years ago. I remember my emotions like it was yesterday...I truly will never forget, that morning is forever etched in my mind